Turtle Soup
by TMNP
Summary: Take 4 Turtles,  add 2 spicy Latinas, a spoonful of episodic releases, a heaping dash of divergent timeline nonsense, and a sprinkling of  romantic tension, and you get this steaming bowl of Turtle Soup.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT or any of the publicly known characters, plot, etc. I'm just renting them from respective parties etc. I do own the plot of this story and any original characters I've created. I will make no money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my readers.

A/N:

"Hi everyone welcome to our first product of TMNP Corporation's I am one of the author's Phallicia. Over on the other side of the stage is the ever angry and glaring Morrigan." Using a lollipop Phallicia point's out a very angry PMSing woman. "And on opposite side stage left is the sulking giant Tadzie."

"Who said I was sulking? It's more of a... penitence for what I have helped unleash. This unholy creation, it will haunt me forever." The giant said as he crossed his arms and looked over with a glare.

"Oh come now you had fun" Phallicia says smirking

"Oh yes, I had fun staying up at God-forsaken am in the morning writing this...monster" The angry Morrigan stated with venom

Phillicia turned and gave her a dead stare "Me and Tad did more work then you did. He has a right to complain...you...you sicken me." She cursed

"Be honest though Phallicia, we weren't ALWAYS working. We had our fun while she was away" Tadzie nudges her shoulder

Pallicia glares then shoves her lollipop in Tadzie's mouth to shut him up.

*shudders* Oh God, PLEASE, my eyes! MY EYES! *throws brain bleach on* I may not have stayed late, but when I was around I actually DID something!

"Wow she's acting like i jumped you right here in front of the audience... anyway ON WITH THE SHOW ^_~ Enjoy!"

"Please, don't kill us"

"I had my hand in this, we'll be fine."

*facepalms*

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"Oh, come on mom! I hate the city! Don't make me go!"

I'm going to miss the island The smell of nature. The sound of the coqui's in the trees. I'm going to miss it all. In six hours I'll be stateside to live with my sister in New York City. Living amongst car exhaust and angry pissed off taxi drivers just seems like the best time ever.

"Rosalinda, I've told you one hundred times already. We don't have the money to support you all your life! Our check books can't take it. I don't have a job and your father is working double shifts as it is. We still need to finish putting your brother through high school. I'm sorry, but sending you away is our only option."

I was still reeling; my own mother was giving me the boot.

"But...But... You always took care of me. Even with all that stuff. What's so different _now_?"

"You're 19 going on 20! It's time for you to grow up and learn some responsibilities. I'm not going to coddle you anymore."

"But... But..."

"No 'buts' now grab your bags, you're going to live with your sister."

Oh God; my sister. My family may not be the pinnacle of sanity, but my sister is on an entirely different mountain. There was no way being sent to live with Angry Elena would be any type of enjoyable. It would be quite the opposite in fact.

"Mom...Mom… Mommy... Please. I'll do anything. Anything!"

"You should have thought about that before we bought the ticket."

"You already bought it? What kind of mother are you?"

She looked down at my stacked collection of art, comics, and manga.

"The kind of mother who did raise a girl who collects this inappropriate material and actually enjoys looking at it."

She holds up a manga with a quite effeminate man on the cover, his well drawn chest taking up most of the page.

"But mom! That's not-"

"I don't want to know what type of things you are into Rosalinda. Next thing I'll be finding handcuffs under your bed."

I felt my ears burn as if someone had just lit them on fire. The best course of action right now is to just let this die.

"Ay Rosa, you've wasted a lot of time that on this junk that you could have spent on getting a job. You'll have to pay me back for all this crap."

A chill washed down my back. I just knew the price would not be cheap.

"Oh God. I give! J-just don't do anything drastic. Think of all the money I-er, I mean, _you_ spent on it."

"Think of all the money I'll get _back_ on E-bay if you don't park your ass in the car."

"O.k, O.k! I'm moving. Geez."

I grabbed my bags that my mother had already packed for me and walked to the car. As I walked down the hall, pass my little brother's room, the little shit smirked at me as he chomped on a pickle.

"Dead girl walking."

"If I ever come back, your ass is mine."-I said with a disgusted sneer. Ugh, _how _could he eat so many of those things?

"Knowing you; you'll come back crying to mom knocked up by some random guy from a bar. Your kids will probably be mutated freaks from both of your screwed up DNA as well."

"Knowing you; you'll end up a high school drop-out and a teenage daddy."

"Bitch."

"Man whore"

"Rosalinda! I thought I told you to get your ass in the damn car!"

"Coming Mom! Bye- Bye wittle Bwada. I wuv wu." I said in a condescending sarcastic tone as I pinched his cheek and pulled his face left and right before smacking him 'lightly' and then high-tailing it to the car.

Mom wasted no time speeding me to the airport and actually didn't leave until they called for the passengers for the New York flight to board.

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"_Vete al Carajo_! I am sick and tired of your _mierda_! Get Out!"

I was fuming. No, I was _steaming_. And I would see no reason. My boyfr-, no my _**ex**_-boyfriend was nothing but a lazy, self serving, two bit piece of shit and I want him gone. **NOW**. _Anything_ in my line of sight was a potential weapon that I would to use. I couldn't fathom in the slightest what I had seen in this useless bag of flesh and bone. Sure he was attractive, but he was nothing short of disgusting. Yes, he lives and works for me, but he doesn't pay rent, he's a pig, and he eats _all_ the food I try to _sell_. If that's not enough, I'm positively sure he's cheating on me. Recently he's gone all hours of the night and when he comes home he smells of sweat and cheap cologne. The MALE kind of cologne. That's not right, not in this country, not even on this planet. There has GOT to be a council of supervillains all planning on sending me the worst guys imaginable.

Enough is enough; he's _got_ to go. Picking up the cheap lamp lying nearby, I started throwing all his shit out the window and watched the neighbors stare in shock as I kicked my leech out of my apartment and onto his ass amongst a pile of his belonging.

"But baby!"

"Don't you baby me you two-faced lying piece of shit!"

There were no second chances and no calming down. I entered Boricua rage and if that _pendejo_ wasn't out of my sight in 10 minutes I was calling the cops. I know exactly what would happen if the police were informed of an "incident" that occurred in my apartment and they just "happened" to stumble upon some interesting photos on his computer.

"But...but...I..."

"_Dije. Que. Te. __**VALLAS!**_"

I don't know if it was the look on my face or the frying pan I pulled from the kitchen as a weapon, but he was running down the street in his boxers blubbering like a baby. I couldn't help a satisfied smirk from crossing my lips.

What made me snicker, though, was that he had left all his shit, just like the six others before him. Good bye asshole, and hellooo fast cash This should pay for the next year or two of rent.

After spending the next 4 hours painting my house with bleach I finally gave up trying to remove the smell of pickles that has fused into the furniture and walls. That disgusting bastard left me one final present it seemed. My ire was slowly reaching its tipping point, so I checked my clock, cursing at the time and hopped in my car.

When I arrived at the Airport I quickly parked in the arrival bay to wait out my 'guest'.

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This flight had left me with an unsatisfiable thirst for inflicting pain This kid behind me wouldn't stop smacking me with his bloody turtle figure the entire trip. The first chance I got, I snatched the doll when no one was looking and buried it in my carry-on bag.

The kid wouldn't stop griping the whole ride but there was no way I would return the damn thing just to repeat the process all over again. He's lucky that throwing him out of the plane would end with me being sucked out as well. I flew down the plane's aisle with my bag as soon as the doors opened. No way in hell I was waiting for the pampered first classers to get off their ass. I had places to be.

My frenzied dash slowed to a grinding halt as the metallic monster known as baggage claim alerted me to the oncoming luggage. 20 minutes of pushing and arguing over whose bag was whose later and I was rushing out the doors to find my sister. Feeling around my pockets for my phone, I pulled it out only to find the battery had died while I was in the air.

Whoops…

Sis is not going to be happy.

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_Ena's POV…_

"_En estos momento la persona que usted está llamando tiene un buzón que no ha sido conectado. Vuelva a tartar luego._ *click* _**beep**_..._**beep**_..._**beep**_..."

"_Cabroncita del demonio_..." I growled out. My fucking sister had her damn cellphone turned off and didn't set up her damn voicemail. Now I have to go out of my way and hunt this bitch down. In a New York City airport no less. _Ay,_ _Dios mio_.

I pulled out of the Arrivals terminal and started to drive the traffic congested circle to see if I could find the brat.

I had finally come around for a 4th time when I saw a flash of blond hair getting whipped about as this person was jumping impatiently

"Oh God, no. Please Lord no, have mercy on my sanity and don't let that be... Never mind, God, I know you hate me." I said as I saw the person drawing a crowd as she absentmindedly bounced. She never pays attention to the fact that when she jumps around when she's bored, every guy around also gets a free show. I had to get her out of there, and I knew that meant having to associate myself with her. Blood may be thicker than water, but that doesn't mean blood can't boil away out of anger. No, I couldn't leave her but she was definently going to pay for being a today, not while I'm in this mood. I rolled up to the girl, rolled the window down, and blasted the horn "Have you lost what little mind you had? Get your bouncy ass in this car before some guy tries to take you home himself!"

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My absent minded bouncing came to an end when a sudden blast of a car horn had me jump 2 feet in the air in shock. I turned around to give the asshole a piece of my mind when I realized the scowling face behind the wheel was none other than my older sister Elena.

Oh, did she look pissed

"Sissy!" I yelled trying to seem innocent and completely delighted to see her... Uh-huh, that'll be the day.

"Have you lost what little mind you had? Get your bouncy ass in this car before some guy tries to take you home himself!"

The realization slowly dawned on me that my bouncing had attracted a fair amount of male gaze.

Seeing as my life was going to end soon for making her pick me up like this, and I drew a reasonable amount of attention, I decided to make the situation worse. I might as well jump feet first into Hell.

"Good bye all! My loving and adoring sister has finally arrived to take me away!" I called out, waving to the crowd as I collected my belongings. I pointed out my sister as I bowed to the crowd then blew a kiss to all the men watching and wiggled my chest a little. I tossed all my belongings in the back of the car except my money and the action doll. I didn't even finish closing the door when my sister peeled out of the airport like Mousers were on her heels ready to take a bite out of her.

"Sis, slow down!" I yelled in fear as I struggled to click my seatbelt in and clung for dear life on the 'bar in front of me. I was about to be murdered.

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"Slow down? SLOW DOWN! I'll fuckin' _'slow down'_ when I damn well PLEASE!" The glare I gave my sister was hot enough to melt an iceberg. Unfortunately, glaring meant taking my eyes off the road, a fact I was soon reminded of as oncoming traffic honked their horns and unleashed a torrent of foul language at my passing. I only started to let up on my speed when we entered a residential area.

I simmered and shook until my sister finally caught onto why I was pissed at her so bad. Great.

"So... broke up with your boyfriend..?"

"Yep." I sighed.

"He run away screaming?" she laughed

"Like a prepubescent child." I stated relaxing a bit more as I drove.

"Leave all his shit?"

"Every last damn thing."

"E-bay?"

"First thing in the morning."

"Good job, Sis. That's one way to pay the bills."

I've cooled down by now but my little sister wasn't helping the situation. I glared sideways at her coldly.

"Are you saying my business doesn't pay my bills." my voice dripping icicles of frozen acid.

"N-Not at all. I'm just saying you make more scaring poor dweebs shitless than you do selling pizza." my sister said calmly fiddling with the freaking doll in her hand.

"But I don't _want_ to scare men off. I _want_ to find a guy to settle down with." I cursed hitting the steering wheel as we came to a red light. I ran my fingers through my auburn colored bob as I closed my caramel eyes in frustration; only moving when the car behind me honked its horn. "That's a 5,000 dollar fine you idiot." I laughed evilly, quickly taking note of the license plate number to call the guy in.

My sister just clucked her tongue and looked out the window. "Ena you may just have to raise your standards then. Just a little. The last guy you dated was named Luke 'Skywalker' Johnson. Yes, he had a kickass name, no lie. But he worked minimum wage at a comic shop, in the Bronx, and wore Jedi clothes _all the time_. He didn't pay the bills cause he wasted all his money on his Star Wars collection. His fetish was dressing you up as Padme or Leia for crying out loud. He ate, breathed, and _slept_ Star Wars! It was bad enough you went along with him for as long as you did. Many people cheered when you kicked him on his lazy fucking ass. You became a bloody 1/2 millionaire overnight with all those collector items you sold after he ran off crying and screaming when you kicked him out. Sure you spent it all on bills you had accumulated and your piece of crap car, but that was still a lot of money!"

My sister was right on that front; I should just give up on my dream on finding a normal kickass guy with similar interests as me. Damn it.

"Whatever..." I sighed trying to concentrate on the road. "What's with the doll, anyways?"

"Oh the Turtle Ninja? I don't know. I… _confiscated_… it from some brat on the plane who wouldn't stop beating me with it." She said calmly, although I saw the quick smirk as she said the word 'confiscated'. Lord, gimme strength…

"You stole a kids toy..." I said disbelievingly.

"More like removed a potentially lethal weapon from unworthy hands."

"That's a fucking "Cowabunga Carl" doll." She's 19 years old…and she still plays with dolls. Sometime I wonder if she really _**is **_related to me…

"But it's an action figure."

"It's a piece of plastic that is going to fly out the window if it's not out of my sight in 3 minutes." I was in no mood for her childish crap…

"But...but...turtles can't fly."

"Exactly." I smirked evilly.

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I pouted as I put the toy away "I'm sorry Carl, I'll take you out later."

"_Ay, Dio santo_…"

"Are we there yet..."

"Rosalinda, _don't_ start that shit or else the doll _and_ your purse are going to go flying out the window."

"Oh dear Lord, you really are pissed."

Ena gave me a look that said she was shooting me in the head continuously. If looks could kill, there wouldn't be DNA to prove I even existed.

"Holy shit. _What_ did that guy _do,_ Ena?" I stated in shock, and a little wariness.

"You'll see once we get there." She growled out as she turned into lower Manhattan.

When we got to my sisters apartment I started to realize what she meant. There was an odor that was so suffocating you were instantly hit in the face with it. It was like a wall of Clorox, Pinesol, and air freshener spray all mixed together, only to _still_ be slapped in the face with the rancid smell of pickles.

"Oh God Ena! Wha the fup did you dooo?." I murmured out while plugging up my nose as I walked it.

"This is why I'm pissed. The stench has seeped into the walls so bad, 4 levels of bleach on every piece of furniture in this apartment wouldn't take it away. The only reason we are here is cause I need to pick up extra clothes."

"Then where are we gonna stay?"

"In the extra room in my Pizza parlor." She said as we made our way through the biohazard zone that used to be my sister's apartment. God, I think I'm gonna be sick…

"The pizza parlor. Great, instead of pickles it's pizza."

"Would you rather stay here? The apartment that smells like our little brother's bedroom?" she asked crossing her arms.

"You know what? I'll wait for you in the car." I said quickly as I high-tailed it out of the apartment.

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A/N:

Morrigan peeks her head out from behind the curtain "Well our first attempt to writing a continuation of the turtles is off to a bit of a rocky start."

Phillicia walks out and smacks her upside the head "Will you get over it. Sure it's our first try and it's a bit on the rough side but we're going to get better. Between the three of us we should be able to write a somewhat decent Turtle story that has the original soul of the cartoon."

Tadzie follows Phallicia out with a dead look on his face. "Oh is THAT what we're doing? I thought you two brought me on to help you write material about the turtles to keep you warm at night. Didn't know we were trying to be faithful to the cartoon."

Phallicia looks over at Tadzi with a soft glare "You can't tell me you don't like the perks you get from working on this." She says as she smirks and swings her hips as she turns away.

Morrigan glares at the two "You guys make me sick. Anyway's! Leave all constructive criticism in the review bar. All flames can be shoved up your own ass and you can light yourselves on fire so I may cook smores."

The Spanish to English Dictionary for those so inclined to use it.

**Spanish/English**

Vete al Carajo!- Go to hell!

Mierda- Shit

Pendejo- Asshole or son of a bitch

Dije. Que. Te. VALLAS- I. Said. Get. Out

En estos momento la persona que usted está llamando tiene un buzón que no ha sido conectado. Vuelva a tartar luego - The person you are trying to call has a voice mail that has not been registered. Please try again later

Cabroncita del demonio- Little demon bitch

Ay, Dios mio- Oh my God

Ay, Dio santo- Oh, holy Lord


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** _The__Teenage__Mutant__Ninja__Turtles__and__all__related__characters__and__subject__matter__have__all__rights__reserved__by__their__respective__parties._

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"Linda! Don't forget to buff the tables when the customer leaves!" My sister yelled at me from the back of the pizzeria.

"Yes, your majesty." I sneered as I grabbed a plastic square bucket and moved from table to table picking up after the mess every annoying customer would leave behind.

It had already been a month since I have come to live with my sister and I have been wishing for some action, anything, to happen. In a city that never sleeps I was already starting to get bored out of my mind.

I was moving around on auto pilot as a sluggishly went about cleaning every plate and bit of food that had messed up ever table. I swear some of these people were born in a barn and it was quiet disgusting some times.

"Linda," my sister sighed "If your not gonna make yourself useful around here, you can do the special delivery then." Ellie started as she handed me the Pizza bag, keys to the scooter and shoved me out the door.

"Just follow the directions on the bag and deliver the pizzas. Don't forget the money and when you're done, go back home." She said seriously from the front of the pizzeria as I started the scooter and put on the helmet. After I was situated, I looked at the instructions and started to leave.

"AND NO SIDE TRIPS!"

"YES MOM!" I shot back as my sister retreated back into her cove of solitude as I drove away. I cursed her existence under my breath as I weaved in and out of traffic trying not to become one with the road in a literal sense of the phrase.

The directions were extremely long and detailed and I was starting to wish my sister would invest in a GPS system for the damn bike so I wouldn't have to constantly check the damn directions and wonder if I was going the right way.

I was humming under my breath trying to calm my racing heart from the 20 close calls I had experienced in the past 10 minutes. Other then the threats to my health I was starting to get really bored really quick. Puerto Rico drivers were just as bad if not worse so I was getting really pissed as well.

"Why won't anything interesting happen." I growled as I shot in front of a truck and flipped of the bozo that was honking at me. "Yeah, well, fuck you, too, _Cabrón_!"

"A fire, a robbery, a parade, hell, even the local super hero would be fine, anything to make the boredom disappear." I muttered as I stopped at red light and took the time to read the next page of instructions.

"Turn left at the drug store and park at the antique store." I muttered as I looked up in time to see the light change. I looked for the drug store and took the left when I saw it. "Antique shop… Antique shop…where, oh where…There you are 'Second Time Around.' I cheered seeing the sign for the shop. I was parking out front when a kid ran out; a frazzled, buffed up man chased after the kid before she could run into the street.

"October, get back in 'ere wit dat hat! Mommy's trying to sell dat!" the man yelled as he caught the little girl, who was wearing an old sun hat from the 50's.

"But, daddy! Ith tho pwetty." The child said as she smiled up at her father, who was carrying her back into the store "Ape, Ah caught the thief!" he yelled with a snicker as he entered the store again.

"Aw, that's so cute." I mumbled with a small smile as I checked the instructions and turned off the scooter and turned on the alarm.

"Walk 4 blocks left then stand at the sewer vent and wait for the sewer man to pay you for the special order." I muttered as I walked the 4 blocks.

"Sewer man…That can't be right." I muttered as I continued walking reading over the instructions again and again. I was walking the last block when I realized the words weren't going to rearrange themselves and say something else. They still would say the same thing.

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"That will be 5 dollars ma'am" I said as I was paid for the order of a small sheet cake. This would usually be my sister's job seeing as she's the reason for the slew of customers from her small pastry section in the pizza shop.

When the phone behind me started to ring I picked it up "Boricua Pizza, Latin love in every slice. How may I help you?" I stated with an automatic quickness taken from 2 years of experience from having my own place.

It only took less then a second to pull the phone away from my ear and put my hand over the ear piece to muffle the yelling my sister was doing to destroy my ear drums.

"SEWER PEOPLE? ARE YOU _LOCA_! _CABRONA_! _YO__SE__QUE__TU__ME__ODIAS,__PERO__NO__PENSABA__QUE__ME__QUERIAS__MUERTA_!"

"_Ay__nena,__callate_. You're busting my ears with your yelling. Just deliver the damn pizza. A customer is a customer, who gives a shit as long as I'm paid. Plus they order regularly, so shut up and keep 'em happy." I stated calmly and then hung up the phone.

Such a wuss.

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"What?" I yelled and got no response in return "Hello? Hello? _CABRONA_!" I yelled freaking out as I stood next to the sewer vent. When I wanted excitement I didn't mean the kind that would get ME killed.

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_Deep in the sewer…_

"Hey, shouldn' da pizza be 'ere by now?" Voice yelled with a rough Brooklyn accent "Yo Mikey, get off yer tail and go get da pie!" The voice yelled to a figure on the first floor that was punching away at a controller as he played a game that showed up on 12 different screens in a random jigsaw pattern.

"Wha…Why do I have to go get it!" the one called Mikey whined in some twisted surfer accent as he paused his game.

"Cuz Ah know where ya Silver Surfa numbah one is." The older voice shot back in a smug, smirking way, a hint of threat lying just beneath it.

"Raph, you wouldn't…."

"Wanna bet?"

"… I'll be right back with the pizza guys…" Mikey yelled rushing away quickly.

Raph smirked as he stretched his arms and turned to head back to his room and punching bag "Works ev'ry time."

"Really, Raph?" A gentle geeky voice said over the buzz of electric tools from a work bench below.

"Wat?" Raph called back in a ' What the hell did I do' voice

"You know how… _sensitive,_ Mikey is about his stuff." The voice said as he put down his welding tool and took off his goggles. He then turned to look up at his brother who leaned against the balcony. "I don't see why you feel the need to deliberately antagonize him."

"For deh same reason ya mess with yer tools."

"I highly doubt you do it to be a helpful member of our home."

"No, I do it cuz it's fun, Don."

"Oh yeah… that." Don said, face-palming as he got off his chair and walked over to the figure on the balcony.

"And can you get your tail down here, please? It's hard to have a serious educated discussion with you while you're perched up on that bar like a monkey." Don said with a smirk as he watched his brother. "Need I remind you we're reptiles, not mammals…"

"Hah hah, real funny, smart-ass." Raf said as he flipped the bar and landed in a crouch "There, ya happy now?"

"Bro, one of these days you're going to crack our shell doing that."

"Don, if I haven' cracked mah shell flippin that bar yet, I doubt I evah will." Raph said as he stepped more into the light. He was a large muscular man, but he was completely deep forest green. He wore knee and shoulder pads and a long strip of red cloth covered his eyes like a mask. The oddest factor about him was his 3 fingers on each hand and 2 toes on each foot. All together he looked like he popped right out of a mad scientist's work shop because he was a giant mutant turtle.

"If you say so, Rafael." Don said as he turned around he looked the same as his brother with a few differnces, his muscles were a little less defined, his cloth was purple, and his over all color wad a green olive tone. "

"Shut da shell up, Donatello."

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I had been a good 5 minutes before I heard splashes below me signifying the arrival of the sewer person.

"Hel...Hello?" I said nervously looking into the vent seeing no one there.

"Yeah, I ordered 2 large pizzas. I owe you 20 bucks, right?" A voice said below me holding out the 20 dollar bill from the vent. I looked down at the hand holding the bill and saw, not a human hand, but a twisted green reptilian appendage reaching out for the pizza.

I jumped back in shock and fear clutching the pizza to me as I screamed. With my jump I landed on the second grate that led to the sewer below me. With an inhuman screech the grate gave way under me and I started to fall to my doom.

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I watched on in shock as the woman fell down the old rusted grate from above and I sprung into action with my quick ninja reflexes I quickly grabbed the woman before she was seriously injured and looked down at her. She had her eyes squeezed shut tightly like she was bracing herself for a painful impact. Quickly noticing she didn't have the prize I seeked I looked up in time to reach out my other arm and held it above my head as the pizza thermos bag landed in my hand.

"Woah, Lady are you o.k." I said looking down at the woman in my arm. She was younger than April when we first met her. At least she looked it. The girl's hair was windswept and a light color yellowish golden color. I believe the humans call it dirty blonde. In the dim light of the sewer in made most of the colors about her off but she was obviously a pale human girl. Her uniform shirt and shorts were rumpled from the sudden drop probably. She was still cringed in fear a minute later and I felt the need to try and calm her. "Hey lady, I know you guys have a 'thirty minutes or it's free' policy, but I didn't think you were so serious about it!"

The girl looked up in surprise and rubbed her eyes looking around for a second before she settled her eyes on me. As she seemed to focus in the dim light she opened her mouth and started to take in a deep breath of air to scream. I winced as she let loose her high-pitched screech and she started kicking and flailing knocking the pizza out of my hand.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Must…catch...box...with... slow motion jump...like...action...hero!" I leapt into the air arms outstretched, sailing through the air to make the big save. There was no way I was going to let the sacred ark be dirtied before it's time. The impact of the hard ground was nothing to me as I focused on the box. ***THUD*** The box nestled safely in my hand. "Oh baby, are you okay? Speak to me pal." I lifted the lid and peeked inside at my treasure. "WOOHOO HOO! We're safe. Every pepperoni in place, every anchovy is safe. Wait... anchovies? AWW MAN!"

"That's the last time I let Leo order the pie. Guess the delivery chick still deserves a tip. THE DELIVERY CHICK!" I whipped around to look at my waiter for the evening. She seemed to be curled into a ball...hugging herself?

"Oh god this is not happening….this is not happening…..I'm fine…I'm home…In my bed…asleep…..that's right I'm dreaming... and if I hit or pinch myself I will wake up…" The girl said insanely as she started pinching her arms and slapping her legs. "Oh god… oh god…..I am not hallucinating… this is some twisted nightmare it has to be." She muttered and looked up and caught me watching her and she backed up in shock and started fumbling with her pockets. "Don't come any closer, I got a taser and I'm not afraid to use it!" she yelled as she pulled a small box out and fumbled with it as she pressed a button. Not even a second later she spazzed out and fell to the ground.

"Oh great. What now? I can't just leave her there… Oh! Splinter will know what to do" I leaned down and hoisted her slumped body over my shoulder and began jogging down the sewer. "Just great, she's drooling on me. On my fresh coat of turtle wax too!"

"Hey guys I brought the pizza and they threw in a free surprise with it! Man, I love this place!" Mikey yelled as he dropped the girl's body onto the couch and gently set the pizza on the coffee table. I had just turned around when I was met with the shocked faces of my brothers as they looked at the young woman who lay unconscious on our couch.

Leo was the first to spring into action on the 'attack poor Mikey game' "Michelangelo! What did you do? You were just supposed to get a pizza not bring down the delivery girl with it. It's enough that April, Casey, Octy and the Foot know we exist. You're not supposed to let the whole of Manhattan and Stanton Isle knows we exist!" Leo yelled poking me in the chest around the couch.

"Awww, come on, Leo! What was I supposed to do? She fell threw the sewer grate. I wasn't going to just leave her there." I said as I put my hands up in a 'don't hurt me' gesture.

Raph just growled as he glared at the two of us "Ya really done it now, shell fer brains." He growled as he looked between our eldest brother and me. Leo glared at me though his blue mask his muscles flexing as he crossed his arms to glare at me. Raph stood right next to him in a similar pose. There was a reason we considered them the twins; they were identical other than Raph was the darker twin, being a deep forest green, and Leo being the lighter one; the color of grass. Yin and yang was a term our Master splinter said once.

While I wasn't paying attention and was off in my own world Leo and Raph had each grabbed a tail end of my orange bandana and were dragging my closer to get a good yell in.

"Uh guys…."

"Owww…. Come on guys! Let go!"

"Um guys…."

"OUCH! Come on guys, don't smack me! I just waxed my shell!"

"GUYS!"

"WHAT!" we yelled at Don when he yelled at us.

"She's waking up."

With that, the turtles turned their attention to the stirring girl on the couch. She rose slowly from the couch, grabbing her head as though she were in pain, then she looked around, trying to grasp her surroundings.

"Hey there, welcome back to the world of the living!" "Mikey, shut up will ya?"

She focused on the source of the voices narrowing her vision and locking onto the turtles.

"You gonna be okay, girl? You had quite a SHOCK!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"It wasn't that bad of a joke, sheesh…"

"S-stay away from me, I have a taser and I know how to use it!"

"That's doubtful honestly…"

She drew the taser once more and began fumbling with the switch as a nunchuk soared through the air, knocking the device away.

"Uh uh uuuh, we can't have you having a repeat episode. It's never as funny as the first time."

Grabbing anything nearby, the frightened girl continued her merciless assault.

"GET AWAY! GET AWAY! GET AWAY!"

Raphael deftly parried all the oncoming projectiles with his sais.

"Would ya knock it off already? We ain't gonna to hurt ya!"

"SHUT UP! GO AWAY! DON'T GET NEAR ME!"

She continued backing up and lobbing whatever she could find until she had run out of both ammunition and room. She collided with what felt like a wall with...fur? She swiveled around gazed upon what stopped her tactical retreat.

"It's a giant ra- ra- ra-"

"A rat?"

With a sigh of exhaustion, the girl crumpled into a heap on the floor, the shock of it all clearly too much for her.

"Fancy that, I never really thought Master Splinter as a real looker, but this just takes the cake."

"Shut up, Mikey."

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**A/N: **Spanish/English Dictionary for those who need it.

Cabrón- Asshole

Loca- Crazy

YO SE QUE TU ME ODIAS, PERO NO PENSABA QUE ME QUERIAS MUERTA!- I know you hate me, but I didn't think you wanted me dead!

Ay nena, callate- Oh girl, shut up


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** _IwanttoowntheturtlesbutIdon'tandIneverwill._

_A/n: Sorry It's taking forever for the 3 of us to post up our story but between college and work we don't have time. we'll try to get the next chp out as soon as we can. Till then enjoy this next segment of Turtle Soup._

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I looked up at the clock for the 4th time that night. It was already close to closing time. "I told that girl no fucking side trips." I growled as she cleaned the tables. "I'm going to close shop and if she's not here by then her ass is grass." I cursed as I went through clean up.

All the workers were starting to leave and soon I was the only one left in the parlor and the city lights were starting to get brighter as the sun descended. "That's it!" I growled out as I went to the Pizzeria's main phone and called my sister.

The phone rang and buzzed as the turtles just stared at it.

"Do you think we should answer it?"

"I'm not entirely sur-"

"City Morgue. You kill em we chill em"

The phone was immediately snatched out of Mikey's hand and the call immediately cut short

"Michelangelo, just WHAT do you think you're doing?"

"I believe its called a prank call"

"You idiot, do you have any idea what you have just done? That was probably someone very close to the poor girl and now they're gonna be worried sick."

"Oh yeah, I kind of forgot about that didn't I?"

"You think?"

"Well, I'm sure it can't be all that bad, right? Right?"

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"_Maldita__sea_...Where is she? I told her no shortcuts!" I fumed as I stalked around the pizzeria, picking up whatever trash the customers had left.

It'd been almost two hours since she left to do the delivery and she hadn't even called to tell me if she'd arrived home or not. She was so dead when I found her…

Picking up the phone for the 10th time, I tried her number again. She'd better answer this time or I swear I'll…

"City Morgue. You kill 'em, we chill 'em!" Came a obnoxiously peppy voice with a surfer accent from the other end. What the…

"Mikey! What the shell are you doing? Gimme that!" ***click***

I pulled the phone away from my face and stared at for a minute. Then blinked…and blinked again.

"Oh my God! ROSALINDA!"

After that freaky phone call, I immediately rushed to the last place my sister was supposed to be. As soon as I turned the corner, I saw her bike parked outside the antique shop. Oh God, I hope Mrs. Jones has seen her…

I barged through the door and started yelling near hysterically.

"Mrs. Jones? Mr. Jones? Are you here? My sister's missing and I thought you guys might know where she is…I think she's in trouble, some weird guy answered her phone and I don't know what to do!"

A long haired face poked its way around the corner in response to the shouting.

"Is that you Elena? Rosalinda is missing you say?"

"Yes she is. She was supposed to come here to deliver a pizza to some usual clients but she hasn't come back. When I called her phone to see what was wrong, some guy picked up saying it was the city morgue and I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!"

Casey was unsure how to proceed. How the hell do you handle a bitch of a women who is now crazy and anxious on top of being unusually bitchy?

"Right... well I have an idea as to what may have happened to her. Now uh... I'll just go make that call to some friends of mine while you just... APRIL!"

"Elena? Elena, sweetie, what's wrong?"

"Oh, Mrs. Jones, it's my sister. She's missing!" I broke down as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Now that they were said, the reality of the situation came at me like a slap.

"Now, now, don't panic. I didn't know your sister was here…why don't you tell me from the beginning?"

As I explained to her that my sister was living and working with me now, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Casey, April's husband, was trying to sneak out and was pulling out his cell phone.

"…And then the last time I called her, some guy with a bad surfer accent answered and said 'City Morgue, you kill 'em we chill 'em'! I just know my sister's dead or worse!"

I barely noticed the look on April's face that was a mix of "Oh God, no" and "I'm going to kill someone". I didn't really have time to question her look when I overheard Casey arguing on his phone.

"Look guys, is she there or not? I need her out of my shop before she gets her emotional breakdown all over the pricy stuff. Shut up Don, I'm not involved in the day to day. I just make sure noone muscles in on... oh shut it. She is? Oh great, now I can get her out of here."

Elenas ears tingled as she heard the news.

"What do you mean she's down there? Down where? In the sewers?" My little sister was down in the sewers, with a bunch of strangers that lived there and Casey knew? Oh, I am going to unleash holy hell!

"Take me to her." I growled as I pulled Casey's face down to eye level with me "NOW!"

Releasing him and smirking slightly in satisfaction at the look of terror on his face, I followed after him as he led me to the manhole cover that my sister was supposed to make her delivery to. Great, I have to go in. Ugh.

Climbing down, my nose was assaulted by the foulest smells I never wanted to inhale. Rosalinda better be in real trouble, or I'm going to kill her.

After Casey gave me the directions to wherever-the-hell these sewer people lived, I started making my way through the trash and rats. It's a good thing I wasn't squeamish of them, though I couldn't say the same about my sister. That thought made me walk faster, the last thing I needed was to find her having a panic attack, she probably already had one but still, Linda freaking out is not a pretty sight.

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"Ow my head! Please God almighty let this horrid nightmare be just that.." She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the visions of mutant turtles away from her. She slowly opened her eyes only to take in a view of the same sewer she is trying so hard to make disappear. Her breaths became heavy and ragged. She began to hyperventilate and felt her chest tighten as if an unseen weight was crushing her.

This cannot be happening! It's not real. It cannot be real. I just have to try one more time to jolt myself awake. They'll be gone then. Yeah, that's exactly it" She clenched her eyes and covered her eyes in some strange rendition of the 3 evils. She split her fingers just enough to sneak a peek to see if the turtles were still there. Sure enough, their stares reflected those of someone looking upon a madwoman. She picked herself off the floor, and made her way to a corner of the room. She felt her mind began to unravel as she refused to accept her reality. She crumpled into a heap in the dank corner and began to chant as she tapped her heels together."There's no place like home. There's no place like home"

Leonardo looked upon the scene with bemused shock. "I just don't get it. Casey wasn't this bad. Even April was this bad. Just what the shell is wrong with this one?" His gaze locked upon the girl who was resembling more and more a car crash that you couldn't peel your eyes off of.

"I believe we are witnessing... a panic attack." Splinter commented as he watched the girl spasm and shake.

"I'll get the paper bag." Raphael sighed as he wandered into the kitchen and out of sight.

Donatello approached the group calmly."Casey said he's on his way right now with her sister to retrieve her. Apparently the woman threw such a fit after Mikey's hilarious prank, she had a mental break down in the shop."

"Dude, that means it must run in the family."

"Can it Mikey! You got us into this mess"

"Raphael! Michelangelo! Is that you asking for more of my special training I hear?"

"No master Splinter!"

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I arrived at the place that Casey told me about and stopped outside a large sealed door. Looking around, it seemed like I was in the wrong place, but everything did look the same down here so I really didn't have a clue. No harm is knocking I suppose. Elena raised her hand to the door and rapped quickly on the metalwork. Faint voices could be heard from the other side then she could barely make out.

"It's about freaking time!"

"Remember your manners Raph. Just turn the knob, it's open"

Well, they don't SOUND like crazy sewer people. Maybe Rosa is fine after all. With a turn of the gripped knob, the door creaked open and Elena peered inside.

"No point in being shy there. Mi casa es... yours too after all!"

"Smooth Mike. Real bilingual charm you got going on."

"Yeah, ladies love me"

The sight that befell Elena's eyes will not soon leave her if ever. Four large turtle creatures and a giant sewer rat all standing around a large room surrounding what looks like...

"Rosalinda! Are you okay?"

Hearing the voice of her older sister, Rosa stirred from her comatose state and steered her glazed eyes in her direction. As her mind made sense of what she was seeing, Rosa snapped back to her senses and greeted her sister with all the love that you give someone rescuing you from a group of mutants.

"Elena just what the fuck were you thinking sending me here with these FREAKS! I could have been killed, or worse"

"Yeah, Mikey might have tried to cook you guys some pizza himself. Then you'd really be in trouble."

Rosa turns her head to see the turtle she heard the others call Raphael talking to her. Without hesitation, she scurries away on all fours towards her waiting sister who steps in front of her protectively.

"YOU are the guys who are our regular customers? I thought I've been delivering pizza to some sort of freakshow performers who just loved the act a bit too much. I guess I wasn't too far off."

"Ouch, harsh. After we took care of your sister and everything too."

"Oh yeah, how do I know you guys weren't planning something terrible and I got here just in time?"

Donatello sighs and cocks his head to the side. "You love lapses in logic don't you? Casey brought you down here right? Do you really think he would casually send someone down here if we were dangerous in any way?"

"Well... well maybe this is all a giant trap! They're working for you to send you people to eat. You're not fooling me monster. You're about to find out these Latinas are a bit too spicy for you freaks!"

Elena extends her hand to her sister, helping her to her feet. She awkwardly holds her clenched fists in front of her face and Rosalinda follows suit. They obviously have never been in many fights.

"You girls can't be serious. This is just ridiculous. Why are you considering fighting us, we're not even holding you here! The door is right th-"

"Shut up!"

Rosalinda, her courage restored by the appearance of a familiar face rushes the nearest turtle. She pulls her fist back to her gut and lets loose a wild punch right towards the stunned turtles chest.

There is a deafening crack as fist meets shell followed by a howl.

"OW OW OW OW I think I broke my hand!" Rosa spills to the floor nursing her injured hand and rocking back and forth.

"Dude, I really doubt you broke anything. You hardly hit me at all."

"Leave Rosa alone!"

Elena dashes toward Mikey and grounds her self for a kick. She attempting to use her momentum to put enough force into the strike to knock him back. As her leg leaves the ground and arcs through the air, she realizes that her target is no longer there. Mikey had sidestepped quickly leaving the attacking Elena to fly past her intended target. Her kick fell through and tossed her to the floor. Being no stranger to street fights, Elena hits the ground and tucks into a roll landing on her knee. Finding her "target" again, Elena pushes off her knee and springs into a renewed assault. She unleashes a flurry of blows, all of which are effortlessly ducked by the trained warrior.

"Shouldn't we stop this Raph?"

"Don't worry Leo, just let Mikey play with them. He's smart enough to not hurt them."

"But what will stop them from hurting themselves?"

"That... I don't know"

Elenas furious attacks begin to slow as Mikey continues his weaving around her punches and kicks

"Aww whats the matter? You were so close to almost touching me, probably"

"S-shut up." Elena manages to spit the retort back breathlessly. Unable to feel anything beyond her strained muscles, she drops to the floor near Rosa.

"You could have helped at least you know"

"But... but... I had an owie."

"You can't be serious. And stop talking like that, it's not cute at all."

"Fine, but what do you expect me to do with a injured fist against something like them? Fracture my wrist against them and hope to gross them out?"

Leonardo's approach broke their argument up. He drops two packets of juice at their feet and stares down and them with a look of exasperation.

"Drink up, you guys wouldn't want to pass out. You especially, err Rosa was it? We don't need you going for 3 on the same night."

Rosa snatches the packet of juice, pierces it with the straw and begins slurping happily, oblivious to what transpired not two minutes ago.

"So... you're NOT going to kidnap us and do horrible things to our body?"

"Listen, you just tangled with Michelangelo and couldn't even touch him and he's not even the best fighter of us all. Don't you think if we were going to murder you, we would have done it already?"

"Well, I suppose... But still. Just what ARE you? You obviously aren't in costume, so tell me. Was it an evil science experiment? Aliens from another planet? The New York sewage?"

"Well, its kind of a long story. Let me get you something to eat and I'll try and explain everything."

Leonardo goes to the fridge and returns with a snack which the girls take hesitantly. He then sits and proceeds to tell their story to the girls. The tale of the sludge that created them. How they came to meet Master Splinter. Their battle against the foot and their day to day activities in New York city. Everything.

"That's quite a story you guys. You've been under my feet this entire time and I never even knew"

Rosa decides to be the one to ask the question they both want to know.

"So, if you guys fought all those criminals and saved us all, why don't you tell people about it? Wouldn't you like to get some recognition for what you do? I know I would if I was a super hero."

"Oh, we're no super heroes, we just want our way of life to stay the same. Besides, we're ninjas, the spotlight doesn't suit us."

Mikey takes this comment as an assault on his free will

"Says you Leo! The spotlight loves me. I could be a star. I'd be interviewed on talk shows, get movie and merchandising deals, even get my own action figure like Cowabunga Carl!"

"Mikey, you ARE Cowabunga Carl"

"I'm closer than I thought then."

It was just then that a yelling voice was heard just outside the hideout.

"...believe you did this Casey! I told you to make sure she gets there and this is what happens? You leave them. What if she got lost?"

The door to the hideout swung open as everyone inside turns their attention to the new visitors. Casey and April stand framed by the doorway, a sleeping October in April's arms. Casey searches the room with his eyes like his life depends on it, finally locking on the girls.

"See April, they're fine and old man Leo has been entertaining them for us. Telling them your life story gramps?"

"Gramps?"

Leonardo is cut off before he can begin to retaliate.

"You're so lucky nothing bad happened to Elena on the way over here Casey. I would have given you so much hell... nevermind. I'm so relieved to see you two safe Glad to see there were no problems then."

Rosalinda smirks from ear to ear as she turns to April

"Oh yes, no problems at all."

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**A/N: **Spanish/English Dictionary for those who need it.

_Maldita__sea- Damnit_


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